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Are you a Jewish college student? Do you feel disconnected from the Jewish community? Is the Jewish community on your campus too small? Is there a large Jewish Student Union but it’s just “not your scene”?

Maybe you run the show. You’re a small Jewish college community that would like to provide more from their students, but just don’t have the resources.

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Instant Karma-Behar/Behokutai 2013

I usually don’t think of rabbis making threats, but one statement in the Mishnah in Avot has become one for me:

Ribbi Nehunia ben Hakana says anyone who takes up the mantle of Torah the responsibilities of the world are removed from him, but anyone who shirks Torah will have the mantle of the world placed on him.  As a rabbi I voluntarily accepted the first mantle.  Circumstances being as they’ve been over the past few years, specifically months, and I’ve been shirking the mantle.  I don’t learn nearly as much as I used to, get to be a very part-time rabbi, and since my wife took ill I’ve had to pray at home, although that’s getting better and I’m getting back to normal.  What I’ve noticed is that I haven’t had any more time to get anything done.  This proves Ribbi Nehunia’s point, is not that tasks get easier but that tasks simply get shifted.

Parts of Behokutai are harsh.  It sounds like a hard vindictive petty G-d is the author.  This isn’t what’s being described.  What’s being described is real life.  Life can suck.  Life can drag you down and even have tragedies.  That isn’t to say that’s all there is to life, but the Sages did come to the conclusion that it is better for people never to have come into the world in the first place, a very harsh statement.  What Ribbi Nehunia, and this parshah, are saying is that there is a supernatural way out, and that is to cling to G-d and Torah.  The more of your commitment, the more the burden gets shifted around.  One example is money: G-d ultimately determines how much you have or potentially lose, but if you decide to spend the money on mitzvot (fulfilling commandments) or tzedakah (charity) then that can come out of the loss column, and so you didn’t really end up losing anything and gained a mitzvah instead.

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Rough Sex?!?!?-A JVO Question

I have a question concerning sexuality : my wife likes harder sex and other things like that from time to time (but nothing extreme). What to do?

There’s very few things that the Torah (Five Books of Moses that is) mandates we must do special for our wives. The three that are mentioned are food, clothing, and sex.  Sex is regarded as a holy act in Judaism.  It is the way that we can become G-dlike in that we can partner with G-d to create, and it has to be treated with a certain reverence.  That being said, we aren’t Puritans about it either.  The rabbinic literature actually discusses sex freely and without judgement.  There are certain guidelines for behavior, but ultimately the literature is simply meant to inform a rabbi in helping couples build successful marriages.  While we are open about it, the actual discussion should be a private matter so that the person asking doesn’t make any mistakes about what proper conduct is (Mishnah Chagigah 2:1).

That being said, there’s usually two concerns a rabbi has when he hears that a guy has reservations about taking care of his wife’s needs.  One is that a guy would like to do xyz but feels that he’s doing something wrong or he’s having some guilt.  That’s why it’s good to have a rabbi to talk to who can be sensitive to your issues.  The other is that the guy doesn’t really want to meet his wife’s demands in bed and thinks that he can use the religion as an excuse to leverage the situation or get him out of something he doesn’t want to do.  That doesn’t fly.  Can you find rabbinic literature to ban any number of behaviors?  It’s there if you want to find it.  Is that the way you should conduct yourself?  It depends, but often restrictions that negatively impact the relationship are not restrictions rabbis like putting in place.  So someone running to the rabbi to bail them out is not necessarily going to find a sympathetic ear.

There are certain things that I can feel pretty comfortable putting here that aren’t okay, so it’s understood there’s more to discuss with the others: you can’t force yourself on your wife or punish her for not putting out.  You can’t sleep with her if she’s asleep, intoxicated, or in any other state where she can’t really consent*.  You can’t engage in behaviors that cause actual wounds like cutting or other very extreme S&M (Lv. 19:27-28) or cross-dress (Dt. 22:5).  I can’t think of anything else that isn’t a longer discussion that would be better discussed offline.

*The Raavad actually considers this a form of adultery, since she is a married woman but if she doesn’t consent she is not your wife.

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The Delusion of Alienation-Parshat Emor 2013

A lot of people are trying to understand how could it be that two American teenagers could do what the Tsarnaev’s did in Boston.  I believe believe both sides are equally concerned with trying to stop it, but taking it from two opposing angles.  The liberals want to explore the humanist explanation, I don’t want to say to justify, but at least to make sense.  The conservative side wants to find the root cause and punish, punish, punish.  Both approaches lack balance.  The first makes excuses for deviant behavior and opens up a Pandora’s box for copycat behavior from other ostracized persons.  The second dehumanizes people into ideologies that have to be fought.

This is the struggle that takes places with the Jews when the son of the Danite mother and Egyptian father curses G-d.  The text gives this individual’s autobiography, very rare for a minor character in the text.  The Torah speaks of his alienation of having to live outside of the Camp of Israel with his mother’s tribe and instead had to live with the Mixed Multitude. This is clearly to humanize the individual and invoke mercy.  Indeed, the Jews and Moses put him aside.  They knew blasphemy was wrong, but they didn’t know how to deal with the individual, whether perhaps there was room for clemency.

G-d answers back and says “stone him!”  This seems very barbaric and harsh unless you understand the dichotomy here.  If G-d does grant clemency, it opens the floodgates for anyone to justify their behavior and escape punishment.  The events of the Exodus and the sojourn in the Sinai desert are supposes to be examples of how to conduct life until the end of times, and G-d is right there, in both ways magnifying the severity of every transgression exponentially.  We can humanize the individual and at the same time lay down the law.  The two concepts are not in conflict as the talking heads are presenting it.  Of course it rarely is.

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Profiteering off of Jewish Ritual

I am well aware by now that many Christian groups have reversed the traditional anti-Jewish position that the various Churches have taken over the centuries.  I am even aware that some have started Judaizing, which is the practice of adopting Jewish practices by non-Jews, usually Christians.  Let’s ignore the fact that Judaizing was what actually started the Inquisition, not a desire to persecute Jews.  I know for Christians who are doing this now, they are trying to tap into the “Biblical roots of Christianity.”  This stems from the belief that the Gospels are the fulfillment of the prophecies in the Bible and this is belief very strong.

It is for this reason that I am seriously POed by certain groups such as Christians United for Israel trying to blur the line between Judaism and Christianity, and bringing in money into their organization to boot.  This is done under the guise of engaging in pro-Israel activity.  What CUFI has done has turned mezuzot, a sacred Jewish ritual performed in order to fulfill the commandment to inscribe the Word of G-d on our doorposts (Dt. 11:13-21), into a cash cow. Putting a mezuzah on one’s house doesn’t demonstrate one’s pro-Israel stance.  Israeli flags do that.  Mezuzot tag a person’s house as a Jewish house, and if someone isn’t Jewish they are misrepresenting who they are.  You can’t be Christian and Jewish at the same time.  They are mutually exclusive belief systems.  CUFI, by selling mezuzot to people who may not understand or appreciate this, is intentionally misleading people and making money in the process.  Their motivation for using a Jewish ritual to raise money for Israel is suspect at best.

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Righteousness of an ‘Entitled’ Girl’s Rant

Maybe Suzy Lee Weiss was whining.  That’s really not for me to evaluate.  Her message was nonetheless stinging and insightful: the college admission process has made the tafel ikar and the ikar tafel (the secondary primary and the primary secondary).  The results of the this skewed process that put activities above grades and race above SAT’s has clearly reflected itself it the product: graduates who are decreasingly able to compete with their peers in the world in business, science, or any host of other disciplines.  I don’t care how oatmeal Ms. Weiss’ application was.  Her primary job in high school was to was to achieve in the classroom and she did, big time.

Should she have had more than JUST being a US Senate page under her belt?  Probably.  That really isn’t the point, since there’s reason to believe (she certainly does) if she could have checked off a different box in Affirmative Action section she would have had her pick of any of those schools.  It’s simply a reality, and of course completely against the letter and intent of the two original Affirmative Action executive orders signed by JFK and Johnson respectively.  But it’s worse than the fact that race has become such a major factor in deciding who will live and who will die in the admissions process.  It sends a clear message to students that academics are not the end-all-and-be-all of college.  Given the fact that college is the last place I’d want my child to be imbued with morality, that being the job of parents and clergy, that the college admissions process is undermining the primary function of the rest of the school.

While the Jewish world has what to work on as far as some of the issues the focus on race has come to address, ultimately it is the Yeshiva world’s focus on the primacy of Torah above all else that will not only ensure top-notch scholars for generations to come but will ultimately also put an end to ethnic tensions that the university selection process have probably come to exacerbate.   The following story illustrates:

At some point in the 20th century, a Sephardi man (Jew of Middle Eastern/North African extraction) desired to attend a famous yeshiva in Bnei Brak, whose name I was not told for obvious reasons.  When he entered the yeshiva, the Rosh HaYeshiva told him that there was no room for Sephardim in the yeshiva.  Distraught, the young man visited the leader of Orthodox Jewry in Israel at the time, the Hazon Ish.  The Hazon Ish listened to the story, and instructed him the next day to walk into the yeshiva, and remove all of the sefarim (books) that contained the works of Sephardi rabbis, and to stack them on a table in the middle of the study hall.  The man followed the Hazon Ish’s advice, and entered the yeshiva the next day to do just that.  At first no one noticed, but very quickly the pile grew quite large and attracted a huge scene.  The Rosh Yeshiva who had told him he couldn’t attend came to see what was going on, and the man shouted out “No one can learn any of these books, because there is no room in this yeshiva for Sephardim!”  The Rosh Yeshiva looked at the pile, realized his error, and took the man in as a student at once.

Why did the Rosh Yeshiva change his mind so quick?  Because above else he recognized that the purpose of his yeshiva was to learn and spread Torah.  Nothing else.  Prohibiting this student from learning there based on any criteria besides an inability to learn or follow yeshiva protocol was unacceptable, and from what the person told me this particular man became a great rabbi.  No names were revealed though to protect the innocent and…well, not innocent.

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It’s a Boy, and other eighth day ideas-Parshat Shemini 2013

This will probably be the last of a blitz of things I’ve written/posted… about having a son, which is a big deal for me.  I really thought after 2 girls that was it for having a boy.  It is different.  Not better per say, but more settling.  I feel a sense of completion, and I have spoken to other dads who have described a similar feeling.

What is it about a boy that’s completion?  It’s all about the eighth day, the day on which we have the brit.  The brit is the entry of a Jewish boy into the covenant that G-d made with the Jews.  Girls are in a sense just born into it, as the bearers of the religion (Jewish religion passes through the mother.) Having the brit on the eighth day ensures a Jewish boy has been through the entire week, which is an encapsulation of all time in a sense.  The world was created within the framework of a week, going with the conception of time.  Seven represents the natural order while eight represents going beyond nature.  This is why the brit is on the eight day.

It’s also the reason that the sons of Aharon attempted to bring their special incense offering on the eighth day of the inauguration of the Mishkan (Tabernacle).  The fact that their decision to do this resulted in their deaths only highlights the fact of how different eight is from seven.  In the natural order of the world, there’s very little where we see a direct reaction to spiritual actions we take.  It was specifically on the eight day that their spiritual actions had such a violent reaction, a metaphysical tit-for-tat.

That’s where the sense of completion comes in.  With the birth of a son, I feel like I will continue on, kind of the same way I guess my wife feels with the girls.  That’s why it’s been such a big deal for me.  Next week back to impersonal, bli neder.

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JVO Question: Is there such a thing as Jewish race memory?

Question: Is there such a thing as a Jewish race memory? I have what seems to be an overwhelming identity with Jewishness, yet I was not born a Jew in any sense. My father was the son of a Jewish mother who married out; He in no way put over Jewish identity within the home apart from his knowledge that he was Jewish. Yet I feel strongly that I ought to convert, and one of my strongest personal ambitions is to celebrate Passover. If you have any personal experience to add to this, I would be grateful. Am I mad to feel such a strong attachment where logically there is none? regards Dee

Your dilemma actually strikes a personal chord with me as I think I’ve had somewhat of a similar personal experience:

When I was getting religious I tried to get close with the Orthodox community at college but I felt snubbed.  Among other issues, one thing that stood out for me was that I didn’t get an aliayh (called to read from the Torah) almost ever.  I honestly felt like I was entitled to get called up more frequently.  Fast forward a few years and there came the question of whether I was a cohen or not because of my last name.  I did some research, found my great-grandfather’s tombstone, and while I found out I wasn’t a Cohen, I did find out I was a Levi.  I really was entitled to more aliyot.  Since finding this out, I’ve gotten many more than I ever thought I would.

Your body and soul are intricately connected.  Some of our authorities accept the body as being the container of the lowest level of the soul while some I’ve seen even suggest the body is the lowest level itself. So yes, your body knows intrinsically that you are zera yisrael (the seed of Israel).  Your genes have received spiritual memory of being Jewish, in a sense.  This doesn’t make you Jewish, but at the same time it gives you a certain connectivity to the Jewish people other non-Jews don’t have.

That doesn’t mean you have to convert, or even necessarily need to explore the issue either.  There are ways of exploring your Jewish side without taking on the responsibilities attached with actual conversion.  There are many non-Jews even without your special link now who prefer to use Jewish prayerbooks, engage in certain Jewish rituals, and draw their spiritual strength from Torah at various levels.  One such group are the Noahides, who are doing it in a more structured way with rabbinic guidance and have actual communities.  They would be really good to speak to.  Becoming a Jew is a major commitment.  Before taking any drastic steps, do some more research to see what being Jewish is about, what’s entailed, and how it may impact your life.  Talking to a rabbi is always a good step to take as well.

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Hands off the Big Gulp!

Rabbis shouldn’t encourage gluttony, and I’m not.  I would never tell anyone to go pound a 32oz and certainly not a 64oz Coke, not as a rabbi and not as someone who considers themselves relatively fit.  I can definitely bench more than your average rabbi.

That’s not the point of why I’ve been so anti-Bloomberg lately and wadded into the mirky swamp of politics.  The point is simple: there’s a role for politicians and there’s a role for clergy.  Politicians are supposed to fix the roads and keep criminals off the streets (basic basic).  They’re not supposed to legislate morality, if for no other reason than that they tend to be the people with the lowest moral standing.  Clergy are the people that are supposed to be the ones to provide moral guidance.  While there are some screw-ups, most clergy provide a much better example of proper living than politicians.  We have dedicated ourselves in principle to living more principled lives.  Politicians by definition have dedicated themselves to elevating themselves above the masses.  In other words, their lives’ mission is to be arrogant and to prove to the world they deserve it.

Thank G-d for Judge Milton Tingling.  He rightly smacked down this ridiculous violation of citizen’s rights, even if it’s the right to be a glutton.  Again, laying the guilt trip is my job.  It’s not Bloomberg’s job to legislate every sector of people’s lives, a dangerous precedent indeed.

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30 Days before the Festival

Everyone I know, Jew and Gentile alike, can’t stand how Christmas has become a two month celebration starting basically right after Halloween.  It’s OD.  For almost a solid month some radio stations play nothing but Christmas music, though I noticed it’s less and less from when I was a kid that do just Christmas and that’s it.  By the time Christmas is over it’s so anti-climactic that people are just happy to move on, get hammered on New Year’s, and role into work the next day hung over.

And yet, not quite to this extreme but still, Jews invented this concept of the buildup.  Thirty days before every holiday we are supposed to start asking questions about the laws and customs. For Pesach, it almost is the same with the crazy cleaning many people do, stocking up on Pesach food and trying to get rid of all of the hametz in the house.  Why? Some answer that some of the laws are quite complicated and need that long to be learned.  I sort of agree.  For a certain part of the population i.e. rabbis, this should be true, while everyone else should be able to ask as needed.  For other people, the answer is slightly different.

The purpose, as I’m discovering more this year than others, is to get your head into the holiday.  Mine and my wife’s are not.  We know it’s coming, but with school, moving, baby, car…it’s just not the holiday Pesach should be.  I haven’t gotten to even barely learn the Torah portion of the week.  Notice I’m not writing about it.  I’ll get it in on Shabbat but still.  It’s not going to be the same holidy.

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Causes-The Virtual Golden Calf

What I am about to say is somewhat objectionable, but that’s fine.  Anyone who doesn’t want their sensibilities challenged a bit is probably not going to read a Torah web site anyway.  I’m not saying everyone who does wants it, but those who do stay away may have this as a reason to.

I’m going to touch on the subject of the Golden Calf in a way that is often addressed by many other rabbis based on the word used to describe the Golden Calf’s position.  It wasn’t being set up as a god (el) but rather god (elohim) which also means judge or authority.  That’s really what was going on.  Remember, the verses tell us that the Calf was a replacement for Moses, not G-d.  Also remember what’s happens right after, that the Jews, or at least some of them, go into a wild orgy of sorts.  There was no worship involved.  Aaron is the one that tries to delay everything by saying that there will be a sacrifice to G-d tomorrow, trying to remind them that there is a G-d and that there are responsibilities attached to that fact.

Many people have said that the Golden Calf alludes to money, that people throw G-d away for the almighty dollar.  It doesn’t have to be money though.  The Golden Calf is anything that operates in a person’s life that becomes a substitute principle for governing their life besides G-d.  Since basically my generation, causes have become the new Golden Calf.  Money just doesn’t receive the same respect it used to since everyone thinks they’re entitled to it rather than having to strive for it.

Just an example that crossed my Twitter: Yom HaShoah commemoration. Is it important to remember the Holocaust?  Absolutely.  But there’s something much more important to remember as a Jew: Passover.  It is the Exodus, not the Holocaust, that defines us as Jews. However, throw away G-d and suddenly the Holocaust takes precedence.  It’s about the cause: get people to remember, usually for the purpose of the ultimate cause of building bridges and encouraging tolerance, often trying to uproot the Holocaust from its uniqueness as a primarily Jewish tragedy.

If you’ll notice, a lot of major interest groups have Jews either running them or being major members.  The president of American Atheists: David Silverstein as are two of the four “New Atheist Four Horsemen”. Michele Levin-Cota: board member of Save the Whales.  Bill Maher: board member of NORML and PETA.  I rest my case.

When Torah has been uprooted from a Jew’s life, causes fill the void.  Of course there’s room for social action and kindness in Judaism.  It’s a major piece.  It’s not the totality though.  There are three pieces of Jewish life: between G-d and man, between man and his fellow, and man and himself.  It’s a delicate balance and one can’t be done at the expense of others.  In a Jew’s life, G-d is always part of the picture, and when He’s not Jews can end up going OD in one area of their life, sometimes for something really stupid.

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